some heart vomit

so i guess i am a little bit stressed out. just a little bit.

for those of you that have never heard me rant and rave about my dear mother, you have been fortunate. i love my mom more than anyone in the whole world, but at the same time, she also makes me madder than does anyone else in the whole world! and so far in the wedding planning process, it has been difficult. my madre is super control-freakish, and her tendencies have made me kick, cry, grunt, sigh, squeel, etc. to the point where today is the last full day of my stay here and we fought this morning. this morning after our fight, i started thinking about the movie "how to lose a guy in 10 days." and my situation feels like when andie anderson is given the power to write about whatever she wants, except that her boss limits her to write about anything WITHIN THE MAGAZINE. mr. zok and my mom keep saying that it's my day, and the decisions are all mine to make, but then mommy dearest only gives me like two options to choose from making me feel like it's not really my decision at all. in the movie, andie anderson leaves the magazine because her principles mean more to her than her job. i can't exactly leave my mother, nor would i. this isn't something i can be that selfish about. it involves too many people.

anyway, after crying to mr. zok and ironically watching an episode of sabrina the teenage witch about the wedding planning process while eating lunch, i think i'm realizing that i'm losing focus in all of this. i want the day to be perfect and happy and sunny and wonderful, but in the end it will be all of those things (well...maybe not sunny) because it will be the beginning of my happily ever after. i'm marrying the guy i love, whom my parents and family love, with the financial support of my parents, which is much more than so many other people in the world. i have a lot to be thankful for.

so i guess it's time to suck it up. whatever happens happens. and in the end, i still get to marry my prince. =)